Monday, November 29, 2010
Worst Movie Ever!
Want to know why?
Let me break it down for you.
It's 1996! Which ok, is kind of awesome. And the movie opens to....Two Princes! One of my favorite songs! And there is Jake Gyllenhaal and ok he is kind of awesome too! He's funny, charming, flirtatious, dancing with everyone in the electronics store and possibly has ADD and then oh...he takes the bosses girlfriend in the back to uh...inspect some equipment...and then accidentally calls the boss while they're... plugging the stereo IN! SCANDAL. He's fired, and within seconds, scams on another girl. Oh Jake!
And then from here on out, the movie becomes a lot LESS awesome.
Jake starts working for Pfizer as a drug sales rep.
Bonus Points. The movie was filmed in Pittsburgh and my sister lives in Pittsburgh so she was pointing out all these things to me. But if you've never been to Pittsburgh or your sister doesn't live there, then this probably isn't a bonus point for you. Sorry. I guess this isn't really a bonus point at all.
Anyway, as charming as Jake is...man I can't even remember his movie name, he le sucks at pharmaceutical repping because there's another rep in town and he was in the marines!
But finally! (after sleeping with one of the receptionists A LOT) he gets in with the doctor...I think he also paid him 1,000 dollars.
So Anne Hathaway shows up. She has Parkinsons at 26! Which is horrible. But she's also kind of a bi-atch. Anyway Jake pretends to be an intern. And sees her boob. Note--you will see Anne Hathaway's boobs approximately once every 10 seconds for the next 45 minutes of the movie. She was contracted to show her boobs more times than Taylor Lautner was expected to show ABS in all the Twilight movies put together--and now that's saying something!
Anyway... Anne and Jake (Gylenhaal, not Black) hook up. A lot. And BOOBS! Yes, we know, Anne has them.
But like an hour later, you realize--that despite the fact that they finally could admit they like each other and have a relationship--there is a SERIOUS lacking of 90' s songs in a movie that took place in 1996! You know what songs were awesome in 1996? I'll tell you! Oasis' Wonder Wall, Alanis Morisette's Ironic, No Doubt's Just a Girl, and Bush's Machine Head. Seriously! Thank you for my dose of Spin Doctors, but you could have really brought it with the 90's awesome. And you failed!
Oh yeah, also I realized that both Jake and Anne were COMPLETELY unlikable characters. And thus I totally stopped caring about their relationship.
Anyway, at some point, Jake realizes that WAIT! Even though he's a drug rep and went to a little bit of medical school, it turns out Parkinson's will really ruin Anne's life and he'll have to take care of her--and so he goes on a crusade to cure her. He also sells Viagra. And then...Anne is like--DUDE--you can't love me unless you can cure me, and so we are over. Which is ridiculous, and also...OUT OF CHARACTER for Jake! You're smart, you should know these things up front.
And then things happen and they get back together.
Now WHY was this movie not my fave?
Two characters who are unlikable. I couldn't fall in love with Anne Hathaway at all! Anne Hathaway of the Princess Diaries! I could not love you. So I couldn't understand why Jake did. And Jake...eh...he's Jake, so I forgave him a little for being a womanizer, but seriously...they ended up at the end, where they were at the middle of the movie.
So there was also no character growth! Um...not liking this is self explanatory.
Bad Chemistry You guys, I didn't buy Anne and Jake at all...and you know...maybe it's because I couldn't buy them last time they were together, but also that's because Jake was in love with Heath! Oh Heath! Moving on...
Gratuitous Imagery...and things... Fine if this is moving the plot forward...or showing growth in character...oh wait, this movie didn't have that.
So basically, if you are going to write a love story--the characters must be likable, or at least sympathetic, or redeem themselves in some way! Also, they must grow! AND if you are going to claim it's 1996--then for the love of all things Gwen Stefani--please please please play some No Doubt!
I think I should have seen Tangled instead....
Did you guys see anything good over the holiday weekend?